Storms Within
by stephfarrow94
Summary: After Mammon's death, Bel turns to drugs in order to numb the pain no one thought he was capable of feeling. It isn't until his newly-found addiction takes hold of him to the point where he becomes a danger not only to himself, but the new Mist Guardian they've partnered him with. In hopes for Bel's recovery, Xanxus calls on the Vongola to help. GokuderaXBel 59B, drug use, abuse.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: The idea for this came from when I was watching the Evil Dead remake last night, but as I couldn't decide which character I wanted to use, there will be two completely different versions with different pairings in each. Both fics were founded on the same inspirational link, but the plots are completely different, just to clarify.**

**Also, with the implied Mammon X Bel, I just want to make sure everyone understands that it's merely illusions Bel 'has fun' with. Also, as Mammon's gender is never specified, I've left it ambiguous as some people prefer it one gender over the other. **

It wasn't unusual for Belphegor to go out late at night and not return for several days – the young man had a tendency to go on random killing sprees in order to satisfy his lust for blood. None of the Varia worried about his odd habit, knowing that he could take care of himself just fine.

The only problem was, that while Bel had been somewhere the others couldn't get into contact with, they had been forced to send the blond's partner, Mammon, out on a solo mission that had been meant for them both.

Things seemed to have been going well for Mammon – or, at least _had _been, as just a few days after Mammon had set out, a few Varia grunts who had been in the same area as the Arcobaleno soon reported back that their Mist Gaurdian had died.

And now, as the rest of the Varia were gathered together in a meeting as to how to discuss to Bel that Mammon was dead, no one could come up with a reasonable answer – the Arcobaleno had been the one and only person in the blond's life he cared about – _loved, _to an extent – and they were concerned that the already-unstable Storm guardian would be distraught about the news.

"Does anyone know when Bel is coming back?" Lussuria asked as he lay sprawled on the couch in the living room. "It might do to tell him when he's in a good mood."

"No one knows when the little shit comes and goes," Squalo pointed out. "He just does whatever the fuck he wants."

"That's because I am a prince."

Everyone turned to look at the doorway, finding twenty-four-year-old Belphegor watching them with a large grin on his face, his Varia uniform covered in blood, a few spots of the red liquid staining his hair and patches of his face.

"And what do you want to tell me?"

Everyone turned to look at Lussuria, immediately expecting the flamboyant man to take care of the situation – he had more of a motherly side than any of the others here; he'd do a hell of a better job than someone like _Xanxus _who would be blunt and unemotional about it.

Sighing, Lussuria knew he had no choice.

Waving his hand so that Bel would approach him, Lussuria bit his lip as he tried to think of what to say – but when it came to someone like Bel, what _could _he say?

"Luss?" Bel's grin never faltered, detached from the world around him. He lived to kill – it was as simple as that; he didn't care for anything like _emotions _or the people around him.

Mammon was the one exception to that rule; ever since his arrival at the Varia at just eight-years-old, he had always been fascinated by Mammon and, as he grew older, his fascination changed to one of innocent curiosity for sexual relations regarding the Arcobaleno. It had come as a shock for the older members to suddenly hear Bel confessing excitedly to them that he had lost his virginity to Mammon's illusions.

"…" Lussuria sighed as he reached out, ruffling shaggy blond hair in a comforting manner. His voice was gentle as he spoke, hoping that Bel wouldn't turn violent from the news; it would only serve the others unnecessary stress in trying to calm him down otherwise. "…There was… an accident…"

Bel's grin just widened, curious as to who it had been and how much blood had been spilt.

Lussuria could only feel his heart falter at that expression, knowing it would soon change when he found out about Mammon.

"…Bel… Bel, honey…" Lussuria sighed before he explained what was on all of their minds. "…Mammon… Mammon's dead, sweetie…"

Bel wasn't sure what the strange feeling in his chest was, but he did know that his frown was slipping. He felt sick, as if he were going to throw up, but the worst thing of all was the mantra of, "Mammon can't be dead…" that ran through his mind as if it were on repeat.

Lussuria waited for Bel to say something, but the blond was speechless. It wasn't until the younger male walked out of the room in dead silence did he realise that the younger Varia member had taken it worse than he had expected – Bel should have shouted, screamed, attacked someone, at least pulled a knife out into view, threatening to use it, but instead he hadn't done any of those things; he had been lifeless after the news.

"I guess… Bel really _is _capable of loving someone…" Lussuria mumbled to himself, not knowing what else to say.

The other Varia members nodded in agreement, all of them knowing that it was just a shame that the one their comrade had loved was the only one to die. It was a cruel twist of fate, even by their standards.

**~~Bel~~**

Bel was silent as he laid down on his bed in the room he had once shared with Mammon. He looked over at his bedside drawers, grabbing the photo frame that rested on them with tender hands.

The picture inside had been taken with the Varia members together, a group photo of sorts. Bel's obscured eyes didn't look at any of the others in the photo – he merely wanted to look at Mammon, who was floating next to Bel in the picture.

The young man wasn't sure why he felt so numb about the news, but he was sure of one thing – it wouldn't be the same without Mammon, and he didn't know if he could handle it; the Arcobaleno was his best friend, his lover (if the illusions the other casted just for Bel meant anything), and the one person in his entire life Bel felt safe, _happy _around.

Slipping the photo beneath his pillow for safe keeping, Bel slipped his eyes shut, nightmares of Mammon haunting his dreams.

If this was what it felt like to lose someone to death, Bel thought – no, he _knew _he wouldn't be able to handle it.


	2. Chapter 2

Bel had been cooped up in his bedroom for days since Mammon's death, and the Varia had concerns he wasn't eating – the meals Lussuria cooked him and left outside of his door were never eaten. No one had even _heard _his bedroom door open ever since he disappeared into it, and there were murmurs between some of the other members that the blond had probably killed himself.

Xanxus, who had been busy, had ordered Lussuria to go up and check on the young man. Lussuria had agreed, greatly concerned for his younger comrade.

Knocking on Bel's door, Lussuria could only hope the other would answer him _this _time. "Bel? Bel, it's Luss. We're all worried about you, Bel. May I come in?"

Again, only silence greeted the flamboyant man. This was one of the reasons the Varia thought he may have committed suicide; ever since Mammon's death, there had been no sound coming from the prince's room whatsoever, and he didn't even acknowledge his comrades when they came to knock on his door and call to him.

"Bel, I'm coming in, okay?" Lussuria grabbed the doorhandle, jiggling it. To his surprise, it was unlocked.

Preparing himself for any knives that may be thrown his way, Lussuria pushed the door open and peered into the darkness of Belphegor's room. The curtains were closed, the door to the conjoining bathroom closed, and the light was off.

The man could make out a lump on Bel's bed, but it hadn't moved since he had walked in. Had... Had their concerns been right...?

"Bel...?" Lussuria approached the bed slowly, soon close enough to see the slight rise and fall of Bel's chest. Well, that was good news; at least the blond was still breathing.

Reaching out to shake the Storm Guardian, Lussuria was greatly concerned when Bel didn't speak – didn't even _move; _normally, Bel would have moaned and protested about being touched, and even bring out his knives depending on who it was.

"Bel, we're all very worried about you," Lussuria whispered. Now that his eyes had adjusted to the darkness, he could see that Bel's face was red, almost as if he had cried himself to sleep. "Please, talk to me. Tell me what's wrong."

Again, Bel didn't move. Whether he was awake and listening, Lussuria really couldn't tell with the younger male's bangs covering his eyes.

"Bel?" Lussuria sighed, knowing there was nothing he could do; Bel just didn't _want _any help. "…I'll leave your dinner by your door again."

Bel was dead-still as Lussuria left again. Beneath his bangs, his eyes were open, but they were unseeing, his ears unhearing – hell, the messages his somatosensory cortex were sending to his brain were barely acknowledged. All he could do was think about Mammon, about how lonely he was, and how much he was hurting over the Arcobaleno's death.

The young man didn't know why he was hurting so much, why he was feeling so sad – he had never really understood what love was, but he _did _understand that he had let Mammon get much closer to him than he would anyone else.

_Mammy… _Bel felt a few more tears fall onto the pillow his head was resting on. _Mammy, I… I feel… I feel so sick… I don't… I don't understand anything… I don't know why you died, or what I'm feeling… I just feel so sick, it makes me cry… _

The blond pulled his comforter further over his head, not wanting to be seen like this. He didn't want to be seen so weak, so _pathetic. _He didn't understand love, and he had never truly comprehended death – all he knew was that he loved blood, he loved the screams and cries and pleas people made before they died; never before had he sat down and thought about death… What it would be like to lose someone he cared about to the very thing he loved most.

Did Mammon scream? Did he cry, or beg for his life? Did he bleed? What was he feeling when he died? Did it hurt?

There were so many questions running through Bel's head, and he just couldn't understand anything anymore – why was he questioning what he lived for? Why was he only just now bothered by death?

_What would it be like… for _me _to die…? _Bel closed his eyes at this thought; it had never crossed his mind before, and now that he was thinking about it, he truly wondered; what if he _died? _Would anyone miss him? Would they feel like he was right now? What if… What if he… killed himself…?

Sniffing back his tears, Bel curled into a tight ball, so very distressed but unable to stop the thoughts; he needed something to numb this sickness he was feeling – to stop it altogether.


	3. Chapter 3

Several months had passed by since Mammon had died and, though Bel had slowly started showing back up outside of his room, it was usually because he was high. No one knew how or where he was getting drugs from, but the Varia didn't have too much of a problem with it - Bel was coming back out of his room and talking to them again.

Bel was quiet. He spent most of his time either in his bedroom, high as a kite, or downstairs on the living room couch, seemingly staring at the wall for the duration of his stay. A few of the Varia members had seen deep slashes on his wrists, noticed first by Squalo who had seen them when Bel had fallen asleep downstairs and his sleeves had rolled up sometime during his shifting. It worried them, but at the same time, as long as Bel could complete his missions, there was nothing they could do about his new habits - none of them even knew _what _kind of drugs their teammate was on, except that whatever it was mostly relaxed him and caused the occasional hallucination.

"Hey, Bel?"

Bel glanced away from the wall he had been staring at, giggling at random intervals. He smiled lopsidedly at Lussuria, giggling again as he reached out to poke the man's cheek.

"Is Mama Luss talking to the prince?" the blond questioned. "Ushishishi~"

Lussuria _hated _seeing Bel this way because of a ridiculous substance and, if he could, he'd do everything in his power to take his comrade off it.

"…Bel, boss would like to see you," the man said softly, reaching out to ruffle blond hair.

"Ushishishi~" Bel giggled again before he nodded, his lips set in a relaxed smile - so different to his usual blood-thirsty grin. "Then the prince will go and see boss~"

Lussuria watched as Bel left the living room, his heart aching for the younger. He wished he knew how to help, but there was really nothing he could do - not when Bel wouldn't accept any help anyway.

Upstairs, Bel giggled to himself as he stepped into Xanxus' office. He saw the dark-haired man sitting behind the desk, a bottle of wine in his hand, while an unfamiliar green-haired boy stood next to him.

The blond stopped, his obscured eyes narrowing at the boy who couldn't have been any older than fifteen. He didn't know why, but there was just something about the kid he didn't like.

Without waiting even for Xanxus to speak, Bel drew several knives before he flung them at the boy, stabbing the smaller male in the chest. He ignored his boss' shout and instead ran forward, drawing one more knife from his pocket. He knocked the boy to the ground with the weight of his body, driving the single knife into the younger's stomach again and again.

"Why won't you _bleed?!" _Bel snarled, ramming the knife as hard, as deep as he could into the frail body. He _hated _the way those emotionless teal eyes just stared at him, as if he weren't being attacked here and now.

The blond was barely aware of strong hands that pulled him from the unmoving body and throwing him against the wall - all he knew was that kid had to _die. _

"Fucking trash!" Xanxus roared, storming towards the younger male. He kicked Bel in the chest with deadly force, hearing the sickening crunch as the younger's chest gave out beneath his foot. "The fuck is wrong with you?!"

Bel reached up, holding his chest as blood dribbled from his mouth and down his chin. He giggled in that crazy manner that always sent chills down peoples' spines, pushing himself to his feet.

"Royal blood..." Bel lathered some of the blood onto his fingers, raising it to his lips to lick. "Ushishishi~ Royal blood has been spilled~"

Xanxus was as emotionless as the boy who had just been attacked, grabbing one of his guns. He pointed it at Bel, knowing he had no other choice but to pull the trigger. He waited until Bel started sauntering towards him, that blood-thirsty grin he hadn't seen in a few years plastered on the blond's face, having hoped that he wouldn't have to resort to such measures - if Bel died from the gunshot, it would be hard replacing the Varia's genius.

"Shishishi~" The Storm Guardian seemed to have forgotten all about his original target, closing in on Xanxus instead. He seemed unfazed by the gun, almost as if he believed the older man wouldn't shoot him - but he was quickly proved wrong when, the second he lunged at Xanxus, he was sent flying backwards, crashing into the wall behind him as blood poured out of his crumpled body.

The commotion had alerted the other Varia members. Lussuria took Bel straight down to the infirmary while Levi glared at the newcomer as if this was all _his _fault. Xanxus took Squalo aside, growling for the younger male to call the Vongola Decimo and ship Bel over to Japan.

Squalo would normally have argued that they needed their ace but, after having realised that the drugs had a worse effect on the Storm then they had realised, could only agree.

**~~Namimori, Japan~~**

Sawada Tsunayoshi sighed as his cellphone rang at an obnoxiously early hour. He debated on whether or not he should answer it, until he noticed the caller ID that read 'Varia'. He was wide awake at this realisation, not wanting to deal with irrate assassins if he ignored their call.

Putting the phone warily to his ear, Tsuna spoke. "H-hello...?"

Squalo was the one who was calling - no one could mistake that shouting for anyone else. "Voi! Brat, we're sending Bel your way."

"S-sorry...?" Tsuna was meek at these words - out of all the Varia, Belphegor was the scariest, next to Xanxus.

"That shithead is out of our control and we can't do anything for him," came Squalo's shouting reply. "You can look after him for us."

"But... Why?" the brunet's usually-soft eyes were full of fear - if Xanxus weren't here to control Bel...

"Because you're the Vongola Decimo!" Varia's Rain yelled. "Look after your fucking subordinates, brat!"

With that said, Squalo hung up, leaving Tsuna to comprehend what had just happened. Had they just...dumped _Belphegor _of all people on him...?

How was he supposed to look after _Belphegor, _let alone _control _him...?


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N Sorry about not having updated anything within the past week; my cat was bitten by a snake and I had been too distraught to write. We brought her home from the vet yesterday, but she can still go downhill in the coming weeks, so if I abruptly stop updating again, that's probably what has happened and apologies in advance.**

Twenty-two-year-old Sawada Tsunayoshi awaited Belphegor's arrival with his two most loyal guardians, Yamamoto Takeshi and Gokudera Hayato. They were sitting in one of the waiting areas of Namimori airport, knowing that Bel's plane should be arriving soon.

It had been almost a week since Tsuna had received the phone-call from Squalo, and he couldn't say he had been looking forward to his day; he was deathly afraid of Bel, putting him on a pedestal just next to Xanxus; neither Varia members were someone he wanted to fight.

"What is the deal with him?" Gokudera asked, knowing there should be no reason for Xanxus to dump one of his members off on them - not unless there was some sort of issue the man just didn't want to deal with.

Tsuna frowned as he pulled out an email he had printed off out of his pocket, showing it to his two friends. It contained the details about Bel's flight, along with information about why all of this was happening - the brunet didn't think it was something he should be sharing with his guardians seeing as it contained a lot of personal information regarding Bel, but he couldn't hide the Varia's Storm from anyone - it would only be too apparent what Bel was doing to himself after a while.

Yamamoto, whose eyes were soft as he read the email, was the first to speak. "That's pretty sad... It's a shame his own comrades don't care enough to handle it."

Tsuna nodded. "It is... But it's probably better this way; at least here there will be people who care and want to help him."

Gokudera, who had since finished reading the email, didn't speak. His green eyes held a distant look, almost as if he were deep in thought, and neither Yamamoto nor Tsuna could guess as to what he was thinking about - ever since the Ring Battles, there had been bad blood between the two Storm guardians.

Glancing at his wrist-watch, Yamamoto sighed. "Ten minutes until his flight arrives. Why didn't they just put him on their personal jet, though?"

"I guess no one wanted to bring him over and talk to us in person, which is why Squalo sent the email and went to the trouble of taking him to an airport..." Tsuna couldn't believe how heartless the Varia were to their own - he couldn't _ever _imagine treating his guardians like this...

"I thought Lussuria wouldn't have minded, to be honest." Yamamoto scratched his chin, trying to put himself in Bel's shoes; having lost someone he loved so much, only to be outcast by the people who had looked after him for so many years... "He always seemed like the kind of person who would look after his own."

"He could have been out on a mission, though," the brunet pointed out. "We shouldn't jump to conclusions."

Gokudera was still silent, his mind trying to comprehend what Bel must be going through. He remembered the pain of losing his mother, and if that could somehow be similar to losing who he viewed as his best friend. Who was he kidding? If he lost Tsuna... He didn't _want _to think about losing Tsuna; it hurt far too much.

_It's really no wonder he's turned to such stupid methods, _the silver-haired male decided. _But that's just it - they're _stupid_ methods. Surely there were ways to cope _without _turning to drugs? Then again... Being in the __Varia__, it's not like he'd have anyone he could talk to about his problems. He probably felt so alone and did the first thing that came to his mind. Stupid, but understandable. _

"Tenth?" Gokudera looked up as he heard an announcement regarding a flight from Italy float through the air. "Tenth, is that his flight?"

Tsuna glanced back at the paper he was holding, scanning it for the flight number. He nodded as he matched it to the one that had just been called, standing up. "It is. We should wait close by so that we don't miss him."

The Rain and Storm guardians followed their boss closely, knowing that the Vongola Decimo was right; if they weren't careful, Bel would probably walk straight past them and wander throughout the airport causing trouble.

"Do you think he got up to anything during the flight?" Gokudera asked, not sure what to think; it really would be no surprise if Bel caused mayhem on his way to Japan.

"I'm not sure," the lanky brunet admitted. "Squalo rang me after he put Bel on the plane. He said Bel must have been at it again because of how relaxed and compliant he was. Do you think that would last for the entire flight?"

"I don't know, Tenth; I've never done anything like _that._" Gokudera couldn't help but sound bitter, not knowing what to think about this situation; yes, it is sad that no one cared enough to try and help Bel, but at the same time, the blond brought it on himself; there were _other _ways to cope, after all.

It was silent between the three as they watched all of the passengers file out of the terminal, keeping a careful eye out for their blond. They knew they were safe to rule out the families or groups of people; Bel wasn't the kind of person who interacted with others outside of the Varia unless they were his intended victims; he wouldn't be walking close enough to the others to make people think he was with them.

"There he is." Yamamoto pointed behind the other travellers where the last of them were making their exit. Bel was being supported by one of the flight attendants, the Varia member whining loudly as he dragged his feet across the ground, his mouth twisted in a firm frown.

"Tired...!" The way Bel's body seemed weightless as he was more-or-less carried out of the terminal proved that he must have been exhausted when the plane landed. "Wanna sleep...!"

Tsuna hurried over, reaching out to put his hands on Bel's shoulders. He said softly to the flight attendant, smiling as he did so, "We'll take over from here. We were here to collect him."

The black, long-haired woman smiled back as she handed her passenger over to Tsuna. "Thank you very much. He slept for most of the flight, and he refused to leave the plane when we landed."

From behind Tsuna, Yamamoto laughed cheerfully. "That sounds like him."

Bel was still complaining as he leant against Tsuna, frowning all the while. He growled as he was shifted once again into someone else's hold, too tired to deal with this.

"Can you guys take him out to the car, please?" Tsuna requested of his guardians. "I'll bring his luggage out. Let him sleep if that's what he wants."

Yamamoto brought Bel's left arm over his shoulders, holding it as he used his own arm to support the older man. He smiled brightly as he helped Bel out of the airport, Gokudera walking next to them.

Tsuna's smile slipped from his face as he watched them go, hoping that Bel would be okay.

_Poor __Bel__..._ Tsuna made his way down to the baggage collection area, keeping in mind that Squalo had described the one bag Bel had brought with him over the phone when they last spoke. _He must feel so bad, and now he has to deal with jetlag on top of it... No wonder he just wants to sleep..._

~~Vongola Mansion~~

By the time the four males had arrived back at the Vongola Mansion recently situated in Japan, Bel had slept away the jetlag. However, now he seemed to be going through withdrawals, and they weren't pretty at all; the man was vomiting, and he didn't want any of the Vongola guardians near him, going as far as to press himself against the car door, putting as much distance as possible between he and Yamamoto, who was in the back seat with him.

Tsuna could sense the distress Bel was in, and it was no surprise when the blond started lashing out physically, trying to do as much damage with his hands as he could - Squalo must have confiscated his knives because the Storm Guardian was void of any blades whatsoever.

"B-bel, please, calm down..." Tsuna, who was in the front passenger seat, had turned to watch as Yamamoto restrained the weaker male with ease, feeling the way Gokudera had pressed down on the accelerator as they drove through the twisting driveway of the mansion.

"Get off,"Bel snarled, trying to pry the other's arms from his body, but it was no use; the Rain Guardian was much stronger than he was.

"Not until you calm down." Yamamoto's voice was soft, as gentle as ever. He had wrapped his arms around the smaller male's midsection, pinning weak arms as well. "We're not going to hurt you."

What felt like electric shocks surged through the man's body, having become dependent entirely on drugs. Bel growled again, trying to break free of the younger's hold but it was no use - Yamamoto was just too strong.

The dark-haired male looked up when he felt the car stop and the engine turn off. He waited for Tsuna to open the back door, not wanting to let go of Bel lest the other run from him.

"We're not going to hurt you, Bel," Yamamoto tried to soothed. "We only want to help."

"Don't want... your help..." The blond was powerless as he was dragged out of the car and into the mansion, despite how much he struggled.

Gokudera, who was watching them, had to stop Yamamoto as Bel's face paled again. There was nothing he could do except watch as the frail man vomited once again on the porch of the mansion, and he couldn't help but feel sorry for the other; those drugs must have fucked him up _a lot. _

What should have taken them only half a minute to enter the huge living room took them ten minutes as they had to repeatedly stop and get a better hold on Bel or let the man throw up bile onto the shining marble floors. By the time they got him into the room and onto one of the black couches, Tsuna knew there would be little they could do for him.

"The prince doesn't need to be here..." Bel frowned, having given up on fighting against Yamamoto's hold. He sat beside the younger male, his arms folded against his chest as his body trembled. "He wants to go home."

"I'm sorry, Bel, but Xanxus and Squalo think it would be better for you to be here with us," Tsuna said softly, hoping he could ease the other into feeling comfortable. "You'll have your own room and no one will bother you or -"

"He wants to go _home." _Bel repeated, his tone more dangerous than before.

"I understand that, Bel, but -" Tsuna had never felt so helpless before; he wanted to help Bel, but he just didn't know how to do it.

"The prince doesn't want to be here. He'll run away if you don't let him go home." Bel was childish by heart, and no difference was made now - he wanted to go home and if childish acts of stubbornness were what it took, he would resort to it.

"Bel, surely you've noticed it's no use for you to be back with the Varia..." The VongolaDecimo didn't want to tell Bel the others didn't care for him, but how was he supposed to admit that to someone like the Storm Guardian? "It will be better for you to be here with us so we can help you."

"The prince _needs _no help, _peasants!_" Bel spat.

Gokudera, who had had enough of watching his boss, his _best friend _try and talk sense into the older man, spoke up, unable to see his beloved Tenth's attempts at helping go to waste.

"Tenth, I'll take him back to my apartment," the silver-haired male volunteered. "He can stay with me and I can keep an eye on him. It will be better for us all that way."

Tsuna, knowing that his right-hand man was right, could only smile and nod, glad that his friend was willing to go to any lengths to help out - he knew that Gokudera hated Bel, but if he was willing to do this...

_I'll have to talk to him later and make sure he understands to be patient and nice to __Bel__. _ "Thank you, Gokudera-kun; I think that will be for the best."

"Hey, you haven't even asked the prince about this," Bel growled. "He refuses to go _anywhere _- especially with _him._"

"I'm sorry, Bel, but it's something we have to do." Tsuna _did _feel bad about making the Varia's Storm do something he didn't want to, but he knew there was no choice in the matter; whatever would help Bel in the long-run is what they had to do.


	5. Chapter 5

Bel wasn't happy at all when he was brought into Gokudera's apartment - not only was this place _much _smaller than the luxuries he was used to, he didn't want to be here with the stupid Storm Guardian that hated him.

The blond was standing in the kitchen. The ground beneath his feet was floorboard, a small dining table tucked away in the corner behind him. The kitchen counter was in front of him, jutting out of the wall, while a fridge sat next to it. It was _tiny, _and Bel _hated _it.

"First of all," Gokudera started, raising his forefinger, "there will be no drugs whatsoever in my apartment. I find you bringing them in, I'm going to throw you out on your ass in the cold. Second; leave the apartment _without _my permission, and I'll sit here and sincerely wish you die a slow, painful death out there. Third; my bedroom is out-of-bounds at _all _times - _especially _when I'm in there. There are to be no knives or anything sharp in your possession or I'm going to blow you straight to Hell. Break these rules and you'll be wishing you hadn't."

Bel just scowled as he looked around. He could see a living room off to his right, and behind the dining table were glass doors leading out to the balcony. There was a hallway branching off where the kitchen and living room joined, presumably leading to the standard layout of bedrooms and other useful rooms.

"Mammon would _never _have lived in such a dump." Bel sneered, reaching behind him to push at one of the wooden chairs in distaste - so _not _the kind he was used to.

"Well, I'm not Mammon, and don't touch _anything!" _Gokudera snapped.

"Where am I meant to be sleeping, then?" Bel snarled, wanting to reach out and break Gokudera's neck - he _hated _it here and he _hated _Gokudera and he just wanted to go _home!_

"I'll put blankets out in the laundry for you." Gokudera spoke as if he was talking about bedding for his new puppy.

"I'm not a fucking _animal!_" Bel shouted, offended beyond belief at the younger's treatment towards him. He clenched his hands tightly by his sides as he growled, "You're really no different from anyone else... The others treated me like shit, like I was nothing but a killing machine... Like I wasn't capable of feeling human emotions... Mammon... Mammon was the only one who treated me otherwise..."

Gokudera was silent for a few seconds before he replied. "Well, as I said before, I'm not Mammon."

"Asshole..." Bel kept his head down as he walked into the living room, curling up on the couch pressed against the back wall. He looked around at the small TV set placed in front of the couch, the coffee table separating the two, while a bookcase rested beside the window across from him.

_If he hates me so much, why'd he even bother to bring me here...? _Bel sighed, hating it here already. He wanted to go back to Italy where he was always left alone, no one to bother him. He missed Mammon, and he wanted the Arcobaleno back more than anything. _They should have just left me in Italy where I was fucking _fine!

Bel moaned as another wave of nausea hit him. Rolling onto his side, there was nothing he could do to stop the bile that slipped past his mouth and onto the white carpet. He was aware of Gokudera standing by the couch, off on a rant he just wasn't interested in hearing, and his hatred ran thick at this moment - surely the Vongola Guardian could lend a _fucking_ _hand _right about now?

Once the blond was sure the wave of nausea was over, he pushed himself to his feet and, as unsteady as he was, staggered towards the entrance hall on the other side of the apartment.

"Where the hell are you going?" Gokudera spat, pointing accusingly at the mess Bel had left behind. "Aren't you going to clean that up?"

"Fuck you..." Bel pulled the door open and staggered out.

Gokudera just stomped over to the front door and slammed it after the blond, making sure to lock it.

~~That night~~

Gokudera had been sitting peacefully in the living room, reading a book on the couch. He hadn't cared that Bel had been gone for hours, nor had he alerted his boss - it was quiet without Bel around, and he was honestly hoping the older male had gone and gotten himself killed.

So when Bel staggered back into the small apartment, giggling to himself as he approached the younger, Gokudera knew instantly what had happened; the Varia member had found himself more drugs.

"Get the hell out!" Gokudera shouted, throwing his book at the older male before pointing to the door that had just been knocked off its hinges; he knew he should try and be more understanding, but he didn't want drugs in his life - much less by this psychotic blond who would probably try and eat him whilst high.

Bel just laughed. "The prince just..."

Gokudera became worried at this point, noticing immediately how weak - _pathetic _- the other was - and when Bel collapsed where he was standing, nothing but a moaning mess, he became worried.

"Belphegor?" Gokudera got up from the couch and moved to the other's side. He reached out, placing two fingers against the weak pulse in Bel's neck. Bel just moaned in response, curling into a ball.

It was then the silver-haired male noticed the blood covering Bel's hand, and his first thought was that the Varia Storm had been out killing - but in one fluid motion he had pulled the older male's sleeve up, revealing the deep gashes in Bel's wrists.

"Fuck..." With a sigh, Gokudera pulled Bel into his arms, moving him so that he laid on the couch. "Stupid... Making me have to tend to your wounds... Should have just killed yourself so I don't have to worry about you..."

With that muttered, Gokudera left for his bathroom, returning with bandages, ointment and a thread and needle if the wounds were deep enough to need stitching.


	6. Chapter 6

"Just one... Ushishishi~ One more cut here, and..." Bel dragged the blade of his knife along his wrist, streams of blood flowing out from the wounds he was creating on top of his scarred, barely-healing wrists, "...and the prince... will be happy again... Ushishishi~"

"Belphegor, open the fucking door!" Gokudera was banging against his bedroom door, furious that the older male had slipped in there with a butcher's knife while he had been preoccupied. "Goddamnit, Belphegor!"

The blond ignored Gokudera, focusing instead on the pain he was creating. He missed Mammon, more than anything, and would give whatever he had to have the Arcobaleno back.

Sliding the blade along deeper than before, Bel whimpered as he felt a wave of nausea hit him. "Mammy... The prince misses you... He'll pay you however much you want if you come back to him..."

"Belphegor!" It sounded as if the silver-haired male was trying to kick the door in now. "You've got two seconds before I blow this goddamn door down!"

Bel just turned to glare at the piece of wood as if it were the offender for his distress. He threw the butcher's knife at the door with enough force to jam it hilt-deep and poking dangerously out on the other side, but he didn't care - all that mattered was getting out of this place he felt was a prison.

The Varia's Storm groaned as he pushed himself off the blood-splattered bed and towards the door, knowing he had no other choice - Gokudera's apartment was on the tenth floor, and if he tried to jump out of the window in his current condition, he wouldn't have a chance.

Opening the door, Bel came face-to-face with an infuriated Gokudera. "Yes?"

"Mind telling me what the _fuck _that was about?" Gokudera hissed, two sticks of dynamite in his hand. "Why the hell would you do something so fucking _stupid _to yourself?!"

Bel just laughed, almost as if he wasn't taking any notice of Gokudera's negativity. He just reached out and poked the younger male's cheek, giggling. "Hayato-kun, the prince is horny~"

"What the - get off me!" Gokudera shoved the blond, disgusted by the soft pattering as blood leaked down pale wrists and hit the floorboards beneath them. "You're a creep!"

Bel seemingly ignored these words and pushed past the Vongola Storm. He staggered into the kitchen, leaving a trail of blood behind him. Gokudera followed him, watching the way the blond moved to the stove. He was wary, not sure what the other was planning - so when a bloodied hand reached out and pushed the pan from the stove, splattering the sauce he had been making for spaghetti, he was pissed.

"Fucking stupid...!" Gokudera shouted. He stomped over to the other, grabbing the back of Bel's striped shirt, pulling him away from the mess he had just made. "Why would you _do _that?! That was our _dinner!" _

"Hmm?" A lopsided smile formed on Bel's face as he stood in the doorway - it was almost as if he had no idea what was going on. "Dinner?"

"You stupid retard..." Gokudera grit his teeth before he pointed behind the Varia Storm. "Get back in there before I make _you _dinner!"

Bel giggled and did as he was told, falling onto the couch. He looked at the blood that was flowing down his wrists, his obscured eyes hazy and unfocused from the drugs he had been taking earlier. Gokudera moved by his side, taking the blood-stained wrists and wrapping a cloth around each.

"I swear, if you make me do this each time..." The silver-haired male held the cloth tightly until he felt the blood-flow had slowed. He carefully pulled the material away before dropping it on the ground and grabbing the thread and needle he was now keeping in his pocket.

Bel didn't pay Gokudera any heed - either he didn't feel what was happening, or he just didn't care. Gokudera had a feeling it was the latter.

_Why does he do this to himself...? _The young man bit his lip, unable to understand what the man was going through. _How could one loss affect him so badly...? I never took him to be someone this weak... Did the Mist Guardian really mean that much to him...? _

"Hayato-kun~" Bel cooed, reaching out to thread his fingers through silver hair. "Hayato-kun, the prince would like some ice cream~"

"Not before dinner!" Gokudera snapped. "It would be ready by now if you didn't knock it off the stove!"

Bel just sighed, almost as if he were daydreaming. "Ice cream is the prince's favorite~"

_Goddamn, he's a freak..._ Gokudera had, by now, finished stitching up the wounds, and was just in time to hear his phone start to ring from the other room. Taking one last glance at Bel, he growled, "Stay here, Belphegor."

Gokudera traversed the halls, finding his phone sitting on the bedside table. He picked it up, seeing the caller ID read 'Tenth'.

Clicking the answer button, Gokudera took a deep breath to calm himself. "Tenth..."

"Gokudera-kun." Tsuna's voice was as calming as ever to the distressed Storm Guardian. "I was just calling to ask how Bel is doing. Is he any better?"

Out of habit, the older male shook his head. "No, Tenth - he keeps getting out. I just can't control him, and I don't know where he's getting it from. He's... suicidal..."

"Squalo told me that..." The brunet on the other end sounded saddened by the news, and Gokudera knew he would be; Tsuna was too sweet for his own good. "Do you think you can do anything?"

"I'm trying, Tenth, but he's not making it easy for me." Gokudera glanced at the entrance to his bedroom. "I... I'm not sure this was a good idea... We're Storm Guardians - we _clash_."

"I understand, Gokudera-kun. I'd be happy to take him off your hands if you'd wish."

"No!" Gokudera was horrified by this suggestion - he was the Tenth's right-hand man! He could handle _anything _in the name of the VongolaDecimo! "Tenth, it's okay! I've got this!"

"Are you sure?" Tsuna sounded worried, almost as if he didn't believe the other male could do this. "Because if -"

"No, really, Tenth! I can do this!" _If he would stop trying to fucking kill himself... _"I know I can!"

"Well..." Tsuna was silent for a few seconds more, before speaking again in a happier tone. "...If you say so, Gokudera-kun."

"I do, Tenth. I have to go now; I was in the middle of cooking dinner before that dumbass ruined it."

"Be nice to him, Gokudera-kun," Tsuna advised. "You can do that. I know you can. Don't prove that to me - prove it to Bel, okay?"

"Sure thing, Tenth." With that said, Gokudera hung up, with renewed energy for handling Bel - if the boss believed in him, than he would do exactly what he had to, no matter how hard Bel was making it for him. Tsuna's orders were absolute, and if he was ordered to jump off a cliff, he would do just that.

Stepping out of the bedroom and hurrying down the hall, Gokudera poked his head into the living room, finding Bel sleeping on the couch.

_Now that he's asleep, dinner should be a cinch... _Gokudera crept back to the stove, turning it off. He cleaned up the mess of sauce and mince that the blond had spilt before getting fresh ingredients to start over. _And if he won't eat it, he can go hungry. _


	7. Chapter 7

Two weeks had passed by since Bel had arrived at Gokudera's apartment, and said young man really didn't know what he was going to do with Belphegor anymore; the stress the older male was causing him was almost too much, and the anger that came with finding the blond using drugs in his home only made things worse. True to his word to Tsuna, he had tried his best to be civil with the Varia Storm, but it was only so easy when the older man was almost always too high to even hear what he was trying to say.

Today, Gokudera had already been put into a foul mood by the Vongola Rain, Yamamoto, so it was no surprise that, when he found Bel walking back into the apartment with a plastic zip bag full of marijuana, he snapped.

"How stupid can you be?!" Gokudera stood up from the couch he had been sitting on, stomping over to Bel. He shoved at the taller male, causing the blond to stumble and fall into the door behind him. The zip bag fell to the ground, only to be kicked away by the enraged silver-haired male. "You think just because you lost someone, you can go and fuck up everything for _everyone?! _You're nothing but a selfish bastard, and I hate you so fucking much!"

Bel was lost for words. He wasn't high, drinking in every word Gokudera spoke - and he found himself hurting over what was being said to him. Why was he feeling as if his heart was being torn out all over again? Because deep down inside of him, he knew Gokudera was right.

"You're so fucking _pathetic _for doing the things you have!" the younger male continued on, reaching out to grab the front of Bel's striped shirt. "I wish you _died _in those stupid Ring Battles! It would have been better _you _than that Arcobaleno!"

Bel was silent for a few seconds before he dropped his head, forcing out in a quiet voice, "...I feel that way, too... But you couldn't understand what it's like to lose someone important..."

"You dumbass! My mother _died _on my _birthday!_ My _mother, _Belphegor! And guess what! I never even _considered _doing such stupid things to myself, because my life is too _precious! _You're a weak, pathetic mess and I don't feel sorry for you in the least. The world would be better off without you."

Bel closed his eyes before he shrugged, slipping his hands into the pockets of his Varia jacket. He ignored the packet he had dropped earlier, pushing past the Vongola Storm and heading down the hallway. The younger male's words left him feeling more helpless than he already did, and all he wanted was for that feeling to go away.

"Going to run again, just like you always do?" Gokudera called after him, surprised that he hadn't hit the other male. "Hide. Hide just like you have been."

Bel didn't reply to this; he merely stepped into the bathroom and kicked the door closed behind him. He locked the door before heading to the medicine cabinet, rummaging through its contents.

The blond's hand resurfaced with a razor, and a pained grin made its way onto Bel's face. His hand shook as he lowered the blade to his wrist and, with a deep breath, dragged it as deep as he could through his veins.

"Happy now..." Bel panted, adding a second gash beside the first one for good measure, "...Hayato-kun...? Just like you said... I'm selfish..."

The blond's knees gave out beneath him as he moved the razor to his other wrist, adding identical gashes. His grin never faltered, but his eyes were that of a broken man in despair.

"Goodbye... Hayato-kun..." Bel dropped the blade to the marble floor beneath him, collapsing next to it. "Now... you'll be... happy..."

~~Gokudera~~

Gokudera took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down - he knew what he had said to Bel, and he knew that he had hurt the other, as much as the blond wouldn't admit it.

"It's okay, Hayato..." Gokudera shook his head and started walking down the hall, knowing he had to check on Bel. "It's okay... Just tell him you had a bad day and leave it at that..."

It was when Gokudera found that Bel wasn't in the bedroom did he start to worry - if what he had said to the Varia member got to him...

"Fuck..." Gokudera turned around and moved back up the hallway, stopping by the bathroom door. He knocked on it before calling out, "Belphegor?"

Silence greeted him, and it was then the silver-haired male understood - he had pushed the man too far.

Gokudera felt worry swirl inside of him as he tried to turn the doorknob, only to find it was locked. Fuck... Was he too late to stop Belphegor...?

The young man pulled three sticks of dynamite from his pocket, not knowing what else to do - if Belphegor had locked himself in the bathroom, it could only mean one thing; the blond had attempted suicide once again.

The small dynamite didn't do all that much damage to the door, but it was enough to blow the doorknob off, breaking the lock in the process.

Gokudera kicked the door open, his eyes widening as he found Belphegor laying motionless on the cold marble floor, a pool of blood surrounding him.

The younger male was barely conscious of pulling his phone from his pocket and dialling the emergency number - all he knew was that, after what felt like an eternity of sitting by Belphegor's side, paramedics burst into the apartment and took the Varia Storm away to the hospital.

The young man continued to sit in the bathroom in stunned silence until what had just happened dawned on him; Belphegor had tried to commit suicide because he had been too harsh in his anger directed towards someone else.

"Fuck..." Lifting his phone back into his view, Gokudera's nimble fingers typed in Tsuna's memorised number, not knowing who else to call.

"Gokudera-kun!" The VongolaDecimo sounded as cheerful as ever once he answered.

"T-tenth..." Gokudera sounded as if he were on the verge of tears, despite feeling too numb to let himself cry.

"Gokudera-kun?" Tsuna sounded startled, concerned about his friend.

"Tenth, I... I messed up..."

~~Namimori Hospital~~

"It's not your fault, Gokudera-kun." Tsuna sat beside his best friend, his hand resting on a shaking shoulder. He tried to smile as he comforted the silver-haired male, knowing how guilty Gokudera felt. "The doctor said Bel is going to be okay; that's all that matters."

"Tenth..." Gokudera shook his head, his fingers clasping the black material of his pants tightly. "Tenth, I said I could handle this, and I messed up! My sincerest apologies!"

"It's not me you should be worried about, Gokudera-kun," the brunet comforted. "Your concern should be focused on Bel-kun. When he wakes up, you need to apologise to him as honestly as you did me. He needs a friend, Gokudera-kun - more than anything."

Gokudera knew the brunet was right - he had been going about this all wrong! From the very start the two Storm Guardians had been enemies, and the Vongola Guardian hadn't made any attempt to correct that; he had been as hostile as ever towards the older male, and he _knew _it was because of his behaviour Bel had continued to act out around him.

Tsuna was right - he needed to take a different approach to this situation; he had to be Belphegor's _friend, _not his enemy. After what he had just caused, he could only hope the blond could find it in him to want to start over.


	8. Chapter 8

For the two weeks Belphegor had spent in the hospital since his latest suicide attempt, Gokudera hadn't been there to see him once; he had wanted to spend that time calming down and trying to get used to the fact that the older male would be here with him, not wanting another repeat of not long ago. Instead, the younger had stayed in his apartment while Tsuna visited him.

Now, Belphegor was coming back from the hospital, and the silver-haired male wondered if he could handle it.

"Gokudera-kun." Tsuna smiled brightly at his friend as he lead Bel over to the couch.

"Tenth..." The older male looked at the blond, and his heart sunk; a large frown was plastered on Belphegor's face, and he moaned softly, as if he were in pain. "Tenth, how... How is he...?"

Tsuna walked into the kitchen at this question, knowing his friend would follow. The two travelled down into Gokudera's bedroom, knowing that the Varia Storm wouldn't follow them - not this time, not when Bel was feeling so shit.

"Bel-kun asks about you," the brunet stated. He ran his hand over the bookcase propped beside the bedroom door, a small smile on his face. "It seems he cares about you, in all honesty."

"What?" Gokudera's green eyes widened, unable to believe these words - they were _Storm Guardians; _they were supposed to _resent _each other! "Why would he...?"

"Because in his entire life, you're the only one who's shown him kindness and made him feel accepted."

Tsuna's smile never faltered in the least. "He told me that back in the Varia, they never cared enough to try and help him after Mammon died, and always left him alone, no matter how deep he had cut himself."

"That's... sad..." Gokudera frowned. "I didn't mean for this to happen, Tenth... I swear... I just... took it out on him..."

"Bel-kun likes you." A slight tint of red coated the younger male's cheeks at this. "He told me that, ever since the Ring Battles, he's had a bit of a crush on you. He really does want your approval, Gokudera-kun - that's all he wants."

Gokudera wasn't sure how to reply to these words - in all honesty, it had never seemed that way to _him; _Bel was always antagonising him and treating him lower than a cockroach in all of their previous meetings. But then again, the blond _was _from the Varia, and he always _had _been messed up in the head... Perhaps, what seemed to him to be nothing more than Belphegor walking around with his nose in the air was actually the older man's way of showing his affection... _Was _Belphegor capable of affection...?

"Try and be his friend, Gokudera-kun." The brunet clapped his friend on the shoulder before turning around to leave the room, a knowing sparkle in his eyes. "You'll see that he's quite competent in being pleasant."

Gokudera sighed before he followed the younger male back into the living room, knowing that if Tsuna had said it, it _must _be true - Tsuna would _never _lie.

"I'm going back home, Bel-kun." Tsuna reached out, patting blond locks as he looked down with a soft gaze in his eyes at the Varia Storm. "Gokudera-kun will look after you from here."

Bel just nodded, curling up into a ball. Gokudera approached the two, just in time to be handed a small bottle by the VongolaDecimo.

"Painkillers," Tsuna explained. "Give him some every time he can't handle the pain. Try not to make it a habit of giving them to him, though."

Gokudera nodded as he slipped the bottle into his pocket, knowing better than to question Tsuna. "Okay, Tenth."

"I'll see you soon, Gokudera-kun." Tsuna waved as he turned around to leave the apartment. Gokudera waved back, deciding he needed a sleep before he tackled the task of caring for Bel once again.

Glancing at the blond, the younger male sighed in relief as he noticed the other seemingly asleep already - though one could never be too sure with blond locks always hiding his eyes.

~~XX~~

"Hayato-kun..."

Gokudera stirred as someone called his name. He opened his eyes, noticing Bel standing by the side of the bed.

Pushing himself into a sitting position, the Vongola Storm rubbed at his eyes. "What?"

"Can the prince have some ice cream?" Bel was quiet, and it was then Gokudera understood what Tsuna had told him - Belphegor really _was _searching for acceptance. If it were anyone else, the blond would have helped himself to whatever he wanted without a care in the world, but it seemed as if the older man was trying not to cause any trouble between them.

_I've been such a douche to not notice how different he acts around me... _Gokudera nodded as he climbed out of the bed, stifling a yawn. "Sure. I'll get you some now."

A bright smile made its way onto Belphegor's face, so different from the usual one of blood-lust; this one was more innocent, like a teenager granted something they had always wanted and worked their hardest to get.

"The prince is happy~" Belphegor followed Gokudera out of the bedroom and into the kitchen. He sat at the dining table, waiting patiently as he watched the younger male scoop the ice cream out of the bucket and into a bowl.

Gokudera observed the other closely. He couldn't believe he was only just now noticing the childish innocence Belphegor radiated _only _around him - if what Tsuna had said was right, and Belphegor really _did _like him - whether or not it be romantic like or not - how could the older man act as if he hadn't tried to kill himself because of what had been said to him...?

Why was Belphegor treating things as if they had never changed? As if the one he liked had pushed him over the edge...? Was he really that easy-going in heart...? The blood-lust he always seemed to feel nothing more than a cover for his true self...?

Well... If Belphegor can put things behind him so easily... the least Gokudera could do is try and do the same, right...?


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N There will be an epilogue next chapter.**

Within the week that Bel had been out of the hospital, Gokudera had to admit that things were a little easier now - Bel, having gotten off the drugs while hospitalised, was a tad more docile, probably because of the large amount of time he spent sleeping.

The silver-haired male was sitting in the living room with Bel, reading a book. They were sharing the couch, Gokudera up one end while Bel laid across it with his head in the younger's lap. fast asleep. It was silent, until...

"Mmm..."

Gokuderalooked down at Bel as the other moaned, assuming it must be from pain. However, when the frail blond shifted and nuzzled closer to Gokudera's stomach, the younger understood - Bel was having a wet dream.

Why this information made his own groin react, Gokudera wasn't sure; he had come to terms with the fact that he liked both males and females long ago, but _Bel__? _This was the same person who had tried to kill him for a _ring! _Granted, they had tried to kill _each other _over them, but...

"H-hayato..." Small murmurs of his name were audible from Bel's lips, and it made the hardening in Gokudera's pants quicken. "H-hmm..."

It had been a while since Gokudera had had sex with someone before, but he wasn't desperate enough to even _consider _sleeping with this deranged lunatic! ...Was he...?

The silver-haired male growled to himself as he reached out, trying to push Bel's head from his lap - however, all thoughts of doing such a thing quickly evaporated when a pink tongue escaped its confines and wrapped around Gokudera's pinky finger.

Gokudera shivered as a wave of lust crashed over him. His green eyes fixed on the hot muscle trying to pull his fingers into its owner's mouth, the only thought going through his head a mantra of _'__Fuckfuckfuckfuck__...' _

The Vongola Storm eventually found enough sense to yank his hands from Bel's mouth but, in rescuing his fingers from the offending tongue, he woke Bel.

Bel lifted his head, trying to comprehend what was happening. When nothing but the throbbing shaft trapped in his pants made sense, he dropped his head back onto Gokudera's with a resigned sigh; he hadn't done such a thing since Mammon had died, and he wasn't sure he wanted to again - not after Mammon had filled his heart with such affection and then left him.

The bulge in Gokudera's pants didn't bother Bel - what _did _bother him was the fact that the younger male was just sitting there with a dazed expression on his face; was the Vongola Storm going to do anything about this or not...? It didn't matter to Bel either way.

It wasn't until the smaller male shifted did Bel find out the other's reasoned course of action.

"Do you want to?" Gokudera's voice wasn't quiet, or shy or embarrassed, or anything of the sort - instead, it was a calm, docile tone that made Bel feel safe with him. "I mean... Obviously, we're both in the mood."

Bel shrugged. "I don't care. I haven't... done it since Mammy died, and only with Mammy. So... I don't care."

"Well, then..." Gokudera moved off the couch, leaving Bel laying on it. He then crawled on top of the older man, grabbing frail hands and pinning them to the arm of the couch. "Maybe you should move on from the Arcobaleno."

Behind his long fringe, Bel closed his eyes. "...Guess so..."

Gokudera lowered his hips until they brushed against the other arousal. He moaned softly, drawing a gasp from Bel.

Bel bit his lip as he rocked his hips upwards, meeting Gokudera's thrusts. In truth, this felt different from the times it had been with Mammon. Back then, it had all been illusions and the touch of his own hands. But this... This was different - this was _real._

"Oh, fuck..." Bel let out a groan, trying to understand how this could feel so good when they were still clothed. "Damnit... Hayato-kun..."

Gokudera slipped a hand beneath the older male's shirt, sliding it up Bel's stomach. He ran his spare hand over the flat stomach, noticing that the blond was very skinny. He vaguely wondered how much the other ate before he shook the thought from his mind, focusing instead on the blond's nipples.

Bel hissed as a thumb and forefinger wrapped around his left nipple, caressing it gently. His chest arched slightly into the touch, greatly enjoying the younger's ministrations on his body.

"Hayato-kun..." To Bel's own surprise, it wasn't Mammon's name he called out - it was Gokudera's. He had always felt a sexual attraction to the silver-haired male, but he hadn't believed he could love someone more than he did Mammon. But here, he was being proven wrong - and he _liked _it. "Hayato-kun, I... Mm..."

Bel closed his eyes when he felt a hot tongue lap at his chest. He wriggled slightly, trying to get into a comfortable position.

Gokudera reached three fingers over to Bel's mouth, knowing the other would get the hint - he just hoped the psychopath wouldn't bite him.

Bel accepted the fingers readily, sucking and licking, as he focused on the sensations his body was perceiving. He could feel the way Gokudera made his way down to his crotch, lifting the waistband of his pants and pushing them down. He moaned as his arousal sprung forward, the cold air hitting it almost immediately.

Gokudera eyed Bel's shaft with greedy eyes. He ran a hand through blond pubic hair before he wrapped a hand firmly around the base of the older man's length, squeezing.

"God..." Bel let out a loud moan, feeling as if this was his first time all over again - in a sense, it _was; _no longer were these illusions and his mind conjuring up the most likely physical sensation to compensate for the lack of reality. "Hayato-kun..."

Gokudera pumped Bel hard as the other worked on his fingers. He leant down, teasing the slit with his tongue, drawing a cry from his soon-to-be lover.

"Hayato-kun..." Bel let the fingers slip from his mouth before he wriggled his rear, trying to get the other to hurry up. "Just... Just do it... Fuck me..."

Gokudera shrugged as he released his hold on Bel's arousal. He instead slipped two of his moist digits into the older male, knowing the other wanted this now, but also knowing it would hurt without even a bit of preparation.

"Fuck, you're tight..." Gokudera scissored his fingers roughly, trying to make room for his shaft.

Bel just moaned in response; he knew it would feel even better once Gokudera was pummeling his sweet spot, but already the slight discomfort he felt from the preparation was better than it had ever been with illusions and fingering himself.

Gokudera was quick to add the last finger, pushing against muscles in a rather careless manner; he knew Bel well enough to know the older man would most likely get off on pain anyway.

"Am I supposed to assume I can fuck you as hard as I want and you'll enjoy the pain?" Gokudera removed his fingers and instead unzipped his pants. He aligned himself with Bel's entrance, waiting for the blond's response.

"Yeah," Bel grunted, bracing himself for the impact. "I like pain."

"Good." With that said, Gokudera snapped his hips forward, sheathing himself all the way to the hilt in the warm body before him.

Bel's back arched violently as he cried out, his eyes wide beneath obscuring bangs. "Oh, god...! M-more...!"

Gokudera did as he was told, thrusting as hard and fast as he could into the older man. Bel was so tight around him, it was hard to move at first, but the blood that leaked out of the abused entrance and onto the couch beneath them made it easier, slicking the warmth.

"H-hayato-kun..." Bel reached between them and grabbed his neglected shaft. He stroked it a few times, trying to match the rhythm with his lover's thrusts. Never before had he dreamed he could feel so great until now. "Hayato-kun, I..."

Gokudera kept his rhythm up, wiping away the sweat that started to drip down the sides of his face. "What is it?"

Bel moaned, squeezing himself tight as he let himself be rocked against the material beneath him. "I..."

Gokudera could see that Bel was struggling to find his words, so he slowed the pace down, hoping that would help - part of him wanted to hear what the other had to say. He didn't know _what _he wanted to hear, but he wanted to hear _something. _

"I..." Bel tossed his head side-to-side as he whimpered out, bringing his hand up to rub the tip of his head. "It's... I want... Hayato-kun..."

Gokudera blinked, not sure if that was what the man had wanted to say or had instead gasped out his name in pleasure halfway through the sentence. "...What...?"

"I want..." Bel moaned, long and hard, before he continued, his hand working faster than ever against himself, "...Hayato-kun..."

There was no mistaking it now - Bel wanted _something _from him, and the younger had his suspicions about what it was. "You want... a relationship...?"

Bel nodded, his cheeks red and sweaty. He cried out as the pace became erratic again, feeling the knot in his stomach about to snap. "Y-yes..."

Did Gokudera want to accept or decline that offer? It was clear Bel liked him enough to try and stay on the younger's good side, no matter how irritating he could be, but... Bel was a _psycho, _and on top of that he lived in _Italy! _

Gokudera didn't let his thrusts falter until he felt Bel's walls clench around him, signalling the end of the other. He kept thrusting until milky white liquid spurt from Bel's tip, staining both of their shirts and the couch beneath them. He followed suit once the clenching became unbearable, shooting deep inside the blond.

Sticky and exhausted, the two laid together on the couch, Gokudera resting on top of the weaker male. He was still thinking over Bel's offer, and he was just about to decline it before a pair of lips pressed against his in the softest kiss he had ever had.

Looking at the Varia Storm, Gokudera found the blond bangs were parted just enough to make out one purple eye looking back at him, full of love and... was the _fear? _Bel? _Scared? _Was he that scared of being rejected...?

Did that mean... Bel truly _did _love him...?

"Please...?" Bel whispered, reaching out to wrap his arms around Gokudera. "It's... different without Mammon... You're the only one I have to... To..." He couldn't finish his sentence, looking away as he glared at the ground, a frown crossing his features.

Gokudera understood, though; he was the only one left in Bel's life who loved him and who he could love in return. The Varia weren't there for him in the way he needed them to be, and Gokudera was the one who had put up with him and helped him - it was only natural that, despite how frustrating it had been, they had naturally grown closer, eventually developing a love and appreciation for the other in their hearts.

Gokudera couldn't turn Bel away - not now, not after everything they had gone through.

Reaching out to turn Bel's face back to him, Gokudera leant down, pressing his lips against the other's in a silent response. Bel understood immediately and returned the kiss, finally feeling the peace he had never had the chance to experience before.

Gokudera wasn't entirely sure of when he had stopped hating Bel and instead started letting him in, but that didn't matter anymore - all that mattered was they were _both _going to be happier now.


	10. Chapter 10

After coming to check on Gokudera and Bel a week later, Tsuna was surprised to see them sitting in the living room together peacefully. The TV was on while Bel watched it, eating a bowl of ice cream. Gokudera sat next to him, so close that their shoulders brushed together, reading a book.

"Hey." Tsuna closed the door to the apartment behind him, stepping into the living room. "You guys are looking calm today. Did something happen?"

At these words, Bel slipped his hand down between them, reaching for Gokudera's hands. He turned to look at the other, the metal spoon sticking out of his mouth. Gokudera just pulled away, almost as if he didn't want his relationship with Bel to be known.

The blond frowned, pulling the spoon out of his mouth before glancing away.

Tsuna noticed this, and he understood immediately. "Are you going out?" A small smile crossed the brunet's face, awaiting the answer.

Gokudera shrugged and muttered something inaudible, much to Bel's distress; the older male felt as if his lover was ashamed of their relationship, or worse; ashamed of _him. _He wanted Gokudera's friends to know that they were together, and this sense of rejection _hurt. _

"Well, it looks like you're upsetting Bel by denying it," the Vongola Sky pointed out. "I don't mind. In fact, I think it will be good for you both."

Gokudera frowned at his best friend, his green eyes wary. "...You can tell...?"

Tsuna nodded, his smile brightening. "I'm really happy for the both of you."

Bel again searched for his boyfriend's hand. This time, to his immense happiness, Gokudera didn't pull away.

"...But..." The silver-haired male frowned. "...What will the others think...?"

"They'll be nothing but happy," the Vongola Decimo promised before he turned his attention to Bel. "Bel-san, Squalo sent me an email. He's asking when you'll be back in Italy. What should I tell him?"

"Well..." Bel tilted his head as he thought this over. The truth was that he loved being a member of the Varia, but he couldn't get what he needed from the others emotionally. He had finally found someone he could truly be at peace with, and if it meant not stressing about things to the point of physical illnesses, he would gladly throw away his title as Varia Storm if it meant he could stay with Gokudera. "...Tell them I want to be stationed in Japan from now on. If they refuse, the prince is resigning."

Tsuna knew immediately why Bel was saying this - the older male lived to kill, but it was for that reason he had never truly fit in with anyone before, always staying at a distance from those around him. It wasn't until Gokudera opened his heart for the other, accepting the fact that Bel wasn't all there, did the blond finally start to calm down.

The brunet wondered; if someone had let Bel in when he was younger, would he have still grown up to be the blood-thirsty psychopath he was?

"I'll tell them that immediately." Tsuna's eyes were soft as he regarded the two on the couch, knowing that not only did Bel need someone in his life, so did Gokudera.

Perhaps, in its own twisted way, this had been for the better - for both of them.


End file.
